Bedtime Warfare with a Toddler
For the past nine months I have been engaged in bedtime warfare with a very clever and cute two-and-a-half year old tyrant named Jaad.
The primary goal of his aggression: occupying my bed.
After recently performing some reconnaissance and observing the aggressor in multiple scenarios, I have discovered that he is enlisting various tactics to achieve victory, primarily on me.
Such as when he is housed in my mother-in-law’s home. Upon approaching bedtime, he not only voluntarily marches to his quarters, he goes as far as informing his grandmother of his intentions to sleep.
In other scenarios, such as with his maternal grandmother, the enemy surrenders with little resistance after acquiring more than sufficient sustenance in the form of milk.
When he is engaged in this bedtime warfare in our territory, and when I am equipped with reinforcements such as his father, the enemy knows his tactics have limited impact, and while he does exert some force, he relents shortly after.
However, it is when I am in battle alone that I am generally unable to withstand combat.
He often enlists several tactics to secure his position which include enacting mental warfare and aggression in multiple languages.
These tactics include but are not limited to:
Shaking the crib
Screaming with full-throated force
Alternating between singing and screaming “mama”
Repeating various lines including but not limited to:
“I want to sleep in mama’s bed.”
“Where is my mommy?
“I love you mommy.”
“Mommy, will you hold me?”
“Please hold me.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Are you thirsty?”
“Are you there?”
“I want agua.”
“I want haleeb (milk).”
As I am ill equipped to combat the fatigue of the evenings, I often surrender to the enemy’s will and upon staking his territory, the occupier then acquires the middle of the bed (as pictured above), deeming it virtually impossible for me to sleep, while he enjoys a splendid slumber.
There appears to be no end in sight for this ongoing war.
Please send help.
Dispatches from a very tired mother.
Love, Summer